Formula for feeding cats.

The only cat I know that sits upright, not that I know many cats, but how many cats do you know sit upright like a human being? one of these days he’s gonna grow opposable thumbs and then we are screwed. But at least it’s the mild-mannered Fido that’s evolving, and not the Demon Spawn Grey.

This morning at about 8, the cat alarm went off, except that it was Grey, who has learnt how to meow at our door for breakfast. I managed to ignore him for a good hour before I crawled out of bed. immediately both boys ran after my feet as I lumbered into the kitchen. As always, I’m amused by the look of shock and disappointment as I turned into the bathroom instead of their food bowls, and slammed the toilet door in their faces. Cheap thrills, for waking me up early on a weekend.

Feeding the cats becomes a process. They are fed twice daily a mix of wet and dry food, and our cats prefer wet to dry. So invariably they will finish all the wet bits in their bowl but leave behind the dry ones. We also have to separate them as Grey, as alpha male cat, will finish his wet bits, ignore the dry ones, and eat the wet ones out of Fido’s bowl, even while Fido is in mid-chew. Fido literally backs off when Grey pokes his head in so he ends up not eating a full meal.

This was what happened this morning, as every other meal time. So with Grey meowing and bashing his head into my leg in demand, I divided the food equally in both bowls. Then the trick was how to place the bowls strategically.

If i placed Fido’s bowl down first, Grey will eat it. If i placed Grey’s bowl next to it, thinking Fido will eat from it (they don’t really care), then Grey will swing to his bowl. If I nudged the 1st bowl to Fido, Grey will growl. Fido sits there patiently while I try to figure it out.

If I placed Grey’s bowl outside of kitchen, Grey will come running and eat out of it. So will Fido, thinking I’ve abandoned him. Even if I placed Fido’s bowl in his usual spot, he will sit sadly outside of the kitchen watching Grey eat. Once, Grey ran back to the 2nd bowl and ate from it. It was quite dumb.

If I placed Grey’s bowl right where I prepare it at the kitchen sink, then move to the cats’ feeding area to place Fido’s bowl, Grey will follow me and eat Fido’s food. ARGH fucking cat.

Once I did just that and both cats ate their respective bowls. When Grey finished his share, he ran to Fido’s bowl and stuck his head in, forcing Fido to lift his head, with not so much a snarl (he’s a sweetie like that). So I grabbed Grey and threw him out of the kitchen, his claws dragging across the tiles in resistance. I slammed the kitchen door shut and locked it. Fido glanced at me with gratefulness and went back to nomming. There’s a scratch on the kitchen door and both of us turned to look at the Grey-shaped silhouette sitting not so patiently outside the kitchen door. We then ignored the shape and turned back to breakfast. When Fido was done, I let him out, while Grey slinked quickly back into the kitchen. He paused at Fido’s bowl, stared at it, then looked up accusingly at me “WHEREZ DE FOOD????”

So today, not wanting to risk getting scratched, I decided to place Grey’s food just outside the kitchen. While Grey attacked it voraciously, Fido took 2 steps towards Grey, a look of longing on his face, before I called him to his usual spot and placed his bowl there. With both cats occupied, I closed the kitchen door, thereby separating them. After all of 5 minutes, I heard someone pounding on the kitchen door. It was Fido inside the kitchen demanding to be let out. So I opened the door, both cats switched places, Fido in the living room licking himself, Grey in the kitchen eating the remnants of Fido’s breakfast. I’m pleased that I’ve found the perfect eating arrangement in this household, minimal hissing and glaring involved.

My life is ruled by these cats.



  1. Ms Brightside · · Reply

    I so, SO empathise.

    1. Bryan’s alarm on his new iphone is exactly the same as mine, which is really annoying since I usually don’t bother to move when his old alarm went off (some really loud annoying U2 song). so I told him to change his… to the sound of cats meowing or something.

  2. marajaded · · Reply

    ahahahahahha.. melvin looks super pathetic when his food bowl is empty and will keep looking at you then at the bowl and back at you until you feed him some..

    1. it’s like he’s TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!

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