People who talk during movies

We caught Cowboys & Aliens, which finally came to Singapore’s cinemas after months of catching the trailers online (oh the Internet). I’m not going to talk much about the movie except that when Indiana Jones appeared, I was pleasantly surprised. And that his character was made out to be a strong rough guy but inherently good sort, was kinda nice.

What I wanted to talk about was my movie experience. We caught it at the new Lido Shaw cinema, where the chairs are actually comfortable for a short person (the head rest isn’t in the wrong position where I could have spent 2 hours with my head slightly tilted forward). I chose the last row because I figured without a row of people behind us, that’s half a chance we won’t get annoyed by talkers.

Boy was I wrong.

At first the row in front of us was nice and empty but they filled up with this bunch of young people just minutes before the movie started. They were chatting softly but audibly, but the movie hasn’t started yet so there was nothing to complain about. But the talking continued once the opening credits started rolling. But they weren’t exactly carrying a conversation. They were the sort of movie-goers who HAD to share a comment at every mildly funny or interesting scene that flashed past. and they found a great many things amusing. even the not THAT funny became hilarious.

and when they laugh, it’s not a laugh, it’s more of like a HUR HUR HUR HUR. so imagine watching Cowboys & Aliens with 4 apes sitting in front of you. Daniel Craig flinches. HUR HUR HUR HUR. Indiana Jones smirks. HUR HUR HUR HUR. Daniel Craig smashes someone’s face in and blood splatters all over his face (like Dragonage). HUR HUR HUR HUR. Daniel Craig and Olivia Wilde getting up close and personal. HUR HUR HUR HUR. it was so annoying.

although I could hear them, I couldn’t hear what was being said. except for the scene where Daniel Craig’s bracelet lights up for the first time with a beep and one of the apes commented, “SMS incoming.” HUR HUR HUR HUR.

the group of teenagers to their right was just as bad. One of the girls had a Scooby Doo laughter NO I AM NOT KIDDING. it’s the hee Hee HEE HEE Hee hee hee. after a couple of Scooby laughs, one of the ape boys actually glanced at her with a weird look OH DON’T LOOK AT HER! YOU ARE JUST AS BAD MONKEY BOY!

Throughout the movie, I was tensed as hell because while I have an amazing ability to ignore most noises around me (try living with my mom’s nagging for 30 odd years), Bryan can’t. he’s the antithesis of zen-hood. he gets really riled up and if left to boil, he will actually turn around and shout at the poor fucker. That is very hard to ignore. It starts with a tensing of muscles in his arm, then his thumb starts rotating furiously (it usually moves in a lazy circular motion like a shaking leg), then he starts turning in a certain direction and shooting daggers, then his starts clenching and unclenching his fists like in WWE. then I get all anxious and try to distract him with monkey faces. it has gotten to the point that I’ve become unnaturally sensitive to every single whisper, burp or HUR HUR HUR HUR, because I end up anticipating him getting annoyed and bursting into Hulk Rage.

Now watching movies is a very tiring affair. I think in future I might have to book separate seats to enjoy my Inner Peace again. However I’m glad that this time round Bryan didn’t shout at anyone because close to the end of the movie, his phone alarm went off. Imagine that irony.

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