Happy Birthday Aunty Patricia

It was Aunty Patricia’s 50th birthday celebration at Peach Garden, Miramar Hotel. she’s youngest of a set of triplets so they were celebrating their 150th birthday last night. The ladies were decked out in identical white gowns and had the same hairstyle. we were trying to identify Aunty Pat among the 3 identical triplets but we couldn’t until her husband Uncle Drake stepped up and smooshed her on the face.

It was an interesting night as Uncle Drake hired this bunch of performers to keep us entertained. it was something out of a getai performance. it started off with a plate spinner and that was already a jaw dropper. Before I could even close my mouth, a bunch of sumo-type dolls who rolled up on stage, one dressed like a clown, one like a sikh (who was singing a Chinese song) and one like a pervy monk. they danced among the tables while everyone clapped along. i was looking in horror as the clown danced around and offered her face for a kiss, then she scooped inside her oversized bra for sweets and offer it to those who kiss her. I have no idea in which universe is this considered entertainment. One wonders where Uncle Drake found them.

Here’s a video to capture that one moment in time I believe I will never experience ever again. That is until Uncle Drake throws another one of such parties.

Then this dude came on stage dressed like a 1930s Shanghai mafia boss complete with long trenchcoat, white scarf and a silver pistol. he waved it around at the audience, when a clown came up from behind him with a tented hoop of sorts. the mafia boss stepped in and the clown waved it frantically around him as the emcee asked us with baited anticipation, what is happening? what will he change into? is it a man? is it a lady? is it a man lady? do i really want to know?

and voila! it’s a man lady clown! i never would have guessed this one. the guy was still singing so i guess it was him, dressed in a sequined Mickey Mouse night gown with clown hair. I seriously wondered what they were tripping on when they came up with this one. “Hey! let’s sing a song about love and betrayal of a mafia boss in Shanghai 1930s! we start off with a mafia boss singing about his power but he lost it all when he fell in love with a cross-dressing clown! and then we switch over to the clown singing his/her side of the love story!”

There was even an act with Bao Gong in it. By then I had no idea what was going on as he came strolling into the dinner hall. probably got lost on the way to China. All these people could probably join the local talent show One Moment of Glory, or better known as OMG. Although for these guys it’s really Oh My God.

you know what I really find amusing? the waiters were entirely nonplussed about the entire affair as they continued serving food around the dancing clowns. either they were blind to the antics or this happens on a regular basis. what have I been missing out on?!

There were other acts too by family members. At the start, I couldn’t tell who were family and who weren’t, until the clowns and the cross-dressing started coming up. 2 kids came up to juggle those Chinese top spinners on a rope (“look Ma! if i flunk PSLE I can join a China troupe and perform at birthday parties such at this!”), one kid with a violin and 2 teens who did a skit about army or I’m not sure what because at that point I decided to walk out of the room. I came back in time for the applause and for their mother (2nd triplet) to go up on stage and hug her 2 sons tenderly.

There was also the emcee of the night from China who sang old 50s songs as lustily as she could. she tried to make people guess what songs she was singing and she’d give away her CD recording of old Shanghai hits as prizes. it got to the point where no one was listening and she was singing and entertaining herself.

I think the highlight of the night was when Patricia Mok came on stage. she’s a local celebrity who’s known for her terribly large mouth. It seemed like she was from the Shanghai Dolly posse that Uncle Drake and Aunty Pat hung out with, a motley crew clad in black netting, leather shorts and lots of gelled up hair, seated on the other side of the room away from the relatives. Patricia Mok dragged Aunty Pat onto stage to play a simple game of “guess who is your husband”. she blindfolded Aunty Pat and got 5 men on stage, Uncle Drake inclusive. each was supposed to kiss Aunty Pat on the hand and she was supposed to guess which was her husband. the final choice got to kiss her on the lips. it was amusing to watch as Patricia made fun of Aunty Pat all the way. I must say Patricia Mok can be quite entertaining, especially when she broke out in Hokkien.

The food was generally quite bad so I didn’t bother with pictures here. we ate the usual Longevity bun and the Long living vermicelli, before progressing onto the usual 8-course fare. 2 cousins came really late coz they got the dates mixed up so we ate their share of food. The waiters were highly confused when we gave mixed instructions to not serve their share first, and then to serve it coz we were going to eat it, and when we found out they were still coming we told them to keep it, then after 930pm when they still hadn’t arrive, we told them to bring it out so we could eat it. i think they were ready to spit in our food with our half-past 6 command of mandarin instructions.

Bryan: I want orange juice please.
Waitress: with ice or without ice?
Bryan: Orange juice! thank you.
Waitress: *frown*

it was an extremely entertaining night thanks to Uncle Drake and his flamboyant friends. I think all wedding / birthday parties should be like this. Aunty Lorna, who is 80 and hails all the way from Scotland, was probably the most amused person in the group, seated next to Grandma who was probably used to her son’s antics.

***

after that we headed to Quaich Bar at Waterfront hotel since we had time in between dinner and Sander Von Doorn at Zouk. it’s a whiskey bar which serves… whiskey. I didn’t mean to be sarcastic with the waitress who asked, “would you like to order whiskey?” but she was really asking for it.

a very pleased Bryan.

We tried both the Irish Whiskey samplers and the World Whiskey samplers. funnily, I didn’t used to like Auchentoshan until I got the chance to taste the rest and realised it’s nicer than most. we also had a Montecristo cigar in their tiny cigar room where I was trapped listening to this guy bitchmoan about his racist ang moh boss.

The night ended at Zouk where we listened to Sander Von Doorn punch out trance anthems and watched 3 fights go on around us. first you see one bouncer flashing his torchlight threateningly at one spot, then he leaps off his perch and then you see 5 more torchlights congregating into one spot and you know it’s a fight. that or the girl infront of you suddenly gets thrown back against you as you try to catch her and her friend apologises and says, “fight infront.” ah i love you Zouk.

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