A Febreezed Cat

As I opened the front door, Grey sneaked out, as always. Without fail, every day when someone comes home through the front door, he will try to sneak out. He doesn’t go very far but it’s really annoying having to chase him back. Previously waving a packet of wet food would lure him in but he has soon learnt it’s a false trap. Stamping our feet really loudly would scare him in but doing a mad dance out in the common corridor is embarassing.

My solution is to spray him with water. we have a spray bottle parked on the shoe rack for such purposes. Cats hate water. So everytime he sneaked out, all I had to do was douse him liberally with water and he would scoot back in again.

One night when I came home tired, Grey sneaked out again. Having no patience to deal with this, I grabbed the water bottle and started spraying at Grey. After a few squirts, I smelled something fragrant. I wondered why does Grey smelled like flowers.

I glanced down at the bottle and realised I wasn’t holding the water spray. Instead I was holding the Febreeze bottle. I had mistakenly grabbed the Febreeze bottle, which had a blue head, instead of the water spray bottle, which also had a blue head.

Horrified, I quickly grabbed the right bottle and sprayed over Grey, partly trying to chase him in, partly trying to dilute the cloud of Febreeze on him. After I slammed the door shut, I froze, not knowing what to do. Should I just pretend it didn’t happen, or confess to Bryan that I Febreezed his precious cat.

Grey stared at me accusingly.

Trying to minimise the harm done, I grabbed paper towels and wiped Grey down. He protested loudly at being cathandled but it was for his own good. God forbid if he were to collapse from smelling so good.

on hindsight, he was probably cleaner than he’s ever been for some time.

Grey Protests

Grey, knowing he’s not allowed into the bedroom, tried to sneak in the last time the door was left ajar. Unfortunately for him, I caught him halfway into the room and exclaimed NO! loudly. he froze and pretended he was invisible. I tried to hook my foot under his torso to lift him out, which works with Fido. Grey decided to act like a protestor and went limp. He collapsed onto the floor like a raggedy doll and laid there. As Bryan laughed at him, Grey eyeballed me as if daring me to lift him out the way the riot police were forced to lift protestors out of the way. I just poked my foot into his body and pushed him out of the room like a sad floor mat. in retaliation, Grey left a small tuft of cat hair on my big toe.

Y U NO FEED ME?

Fido, on a no wet food diet (because of his diarrhea), watches enviously as Grey eats his wet food. While keeping a safe distance of course.

Dry food diet

One of the cats has soft poop so Bryan decided to swap their half wet half dry diet to completely dry. However the cats didn’t get the memo. So when we came home in the evening, they were begging for their dinner. I poured the last bits of the dry food into their bowls and told them, THAT IS IT.

they stared at me and waited.

I took a new bag of dry food to refill the food container with. at the sound of plastic ripping, both boys RAAAAAAN to me, with Grey shoving Fido out of the way to get to me first. It was like watching a skinny old man shove a slower fat lady out of the way to get to the free goodie bag giveaway. They watched me as I poured the dry food into the container and toss the bag away. Confused, they walked back to their bowls and sniffed at them, around them before looking at me as if to say, WUT?

I looked at them and shouted NO MORE WET FOOD! HA! and walked away.

Grey is holding out and refusing to eat the dry food. Fido was so hungry he gave up hoping so he ate his dinner.

Grey plays dead

Grey only gets playful with Bryan. As usual when we came home through the main door, he tried to sneak out but Bryan blocked his path with bags of groceries. So Grey flopped over and pretended to play dead. I figured perhaps it’s from the smell of Bryan’s feet that made him faint.

Sunday Morning

I woke up this morning to cat meowing and pounding on the door. I opened the door to see both cats waiting outside for me. They ran to the kitchen, half-expecting me to follow them.

I got to the kitchen to find a mess of litter all over the floor. They waited as I swept up the debris.

I washed both the cat bowls while Grey meowed inpatiently at me. I split the food equally between the 2 cats while Grey eyed my movements, waiting to pounced on the kitchen counter the minute I turn my attention away.

I put the cat bowls down and separated both cats with the kitchen door.

Took this chance to use the bathroom and brush my teeth.

Grey’s litter box was a mess so I cleaned it up. scooped up the poop and stained litter. Did the same for Fido.

As I opened the kitchen door to get the fresh litter, Grey sneaked in and started eating from Fido’s bowl even before he was done. I chased him out with a broom. He hissed at me angrily. I slammed the door shut in his face.

As Grey pawed the door, I watched Fido as he finished the last of his meal before I opened the door again. Grey stared at the empty food bowl as I grabbed the litter and replenished both litter boxes.

Grey sniffed at his box and then attempted to pee in the bathroom instead. I shouted at him and he ran away.

I started scrubbing the toilet floor. Grey used his litter box.

I washed a couple of bottles that I was collecting for craft. I heard Fido tossing his litter around in his box and when I looked, he had propped himself half in half out of the box and took a majestic poop. He climbed out of the box and left a trail of poop prints.

I wiped down the poop prints. Stared at the fresh litter now stained with cat poop. Scooped out cat poop.

Both cats are now lounging in the living room.

This sounds like a job description for a domestic maid.

Cat Puke

I’m not sure which is worse to wake up to: a puddle of cat (Fido) puke to clean at 8 in the morning. Or catching Grey in the act of eating the puke.

Cat on the other side

Remember what i said about separating the cats during feeding time so Grey won’t snatch Fido’s food right from under his nose? This is them waiting patiently at the kitchen door when they were just about done. The minute the door opens, they swap places and eat from each other’s bowl.

Grey: view from down there

I was packing my Dilmah Earl Grey tea bags into a tupperware when I noticed Grey was following me around. As usual, it was dinner time and he thought that the purple tupperware lid I was holding while walking around the kitchen was his food bowl, so he was persistently meowing at me in hunger. To test it, I walked around the house with the lid held waist high while he dogged (or should it be catted) my path thinking I was preparing dinner for him.

This proves that:

1. cats are colour blind (his food bowl is either red or blue)

2. cats recognise shapes (round = food bowl)

3. Grey is quite dumb.

Cat attack

 

I was squatting in front of the cupboard looking for cooking oil when Grey squeezed himself in between, thinking that I was going to get cat food for him. I meowed at him and in return, he scratched me on my chin. I’m now disfigured

To add insult to injury, I still had to feed the bastard because it was dinner time, and Fido would go hungry otherwise.