Formula for feeding cats.

The only cat I know that sits upright, not that I know many cats, but how many cats do you know sit upright like a human being? one of these days he’s gonna grow opposable thumbs and then we are screwed. But at least it’s the mild-mannered Fido that’s evolving, and not the Demon Spawn Grey.

This morning at about 8, the cat alarm went off, except that it was Grey, who has learnt how to meow at our door for breakfast. I managed to ignore him for a good hour before I crawled out of bed. immediately both boys ran after my feet as I lumbered into the kitchen. As always, I’m amused by the look of shock and disappointment as I turned into the bathroom instead of their food bowls, and slammed the toilet door in their faces. Cheap thrills, for waking me up early on a weekend.

Feeding the cats becomes a process. They are fed twice daily a mix of wet and dry food, and our cats prefer wet to dry. So invariably they will finish all the wet bits in their bowl but leave behind the dry ones. We also have to separate them as Grey, as alpha male cat, will finish his wet bits, ignore the dry ones, and eat the wet ones out of Fido’s bowl, even while Fido is in mid-chew. Fido literally backs off when Grey pokes his head in so he ends up not eating a full meal.

This was what happened this morning, as every other meal time. So with Grey meowing and bashing his head into my leg in demand, I divided the food equally in both bowls. Then the trick was how to place the bowls strategically.

If i placed Fido’s bowl down first, Grey will eat it. If i placed Grey’s bowl next to it, thinking Fido will eat from it (they don’t really care), then Grey will swing to his bowl. If I nudged the 1st bowl to Fido, Grey will growl. Fido sits there patiently while I try to figure it out.

If I placed Grey’s bowl outside of kitchen, Grey will come running and eat out of it. So will Fido, thinking I’ve abandoned him. Even if I placed Fido’s bowl in his usual spot, he will sit sadly outside of the kitchen watching Grey eat. Once, Grey ran back to the 2nd bowl and ate from it. It was quite dumb.

If I placed Grey’s bowl right where I prepare it at the kitchen sink, then move to the cats’ feeding area to place Fido’s bowl, Grey will follow me and eat Fido’s food. ARGH fucking cat.

Once I did just that and both cats ate their respective bowls. When Grey finished his share, he ran to Fido’s bowl and stuck his head in, forcing Fido to lift his head, with not so much a snarl (he’s a sweetie like that). So I grabbed Grey and threw him out of the kitchen, his claws dragging across the tiles in resistance. I slammed the kitchen door shut and locked it. Fido glanced at me with gratefulness and went back to nomming. There’s a scratch on the kitchen door and both of us turned to look at the Grey-shaped silhouette sitting not so patiently outside the kitchen door. We then ignored the shape and turned back to breakfast. When Fido was done, I let him out, while Grey slinked quickly back into the kitchen. He paused at Fido’s bowl, stared at it, then looked up accusingly at me “WHEREZ DE FOOD????”

So today, not wanting to risk getting scratched, I decided to place Grey’s food just outside the kitchen. While Grey attacked it voraciously, Fido took 2 steps towards Grey, a look of longing on his face, before I called him to his usual spot and placed his bowl there. With both cats occupied, I closed the kitchen door, thereby separating them. After all of 5 minutes, I heard someone pounding on the kitchen door. It was Fido inside the kitchen demanding to be let out. So I opened the door, both cats switched places, Fido in the living room licking himself, Grey in the kitchen eating the remnants of Fido’s breakfast. I’m pleased that I’ve found the perfect eating arrangement in this household, minimal hissing and glaring involved.

My life is ruled by these cats.

Fido is sick

we recently found small red stained puddles on the floor, which after 2 weeks of staring, managed to trace it to Fido. He’s been leaving blood stained urine puddles on the floor and according to Google, that’s a symptom of Urinary Tract Disease. my cat has UTI! so we squished him into a carrier he was too fat for (sorry dude, we rarely had to bring you out) and brought him to the vet.

He was mostly quiet in the elevator until the neighbours came in. Fido then let out the saddest, most pathetic sounding MAAAOOOOOOO in the universe. The kind that said “HELPPPP MEEEEE’ or “Y U DO THIS TO MEEEEEE” or “SAVEEEE MEEE STRANGE PEOPLE!” or as Sammie aptly described, “YOU KILLED ME ENTIRE FAMILYY MAAOOOOO”. I’ve heard all his different maos before but this was the first time I hear him complain so loud and soulfully. I couldn’t stop laughing.

The vet gave Fido tablets, where feeding him was a 2 man project. Unlike Grey who thrashed about possessed, Fido would freeze as we cornered him. Well I cornered him while Bryan tried to get his mouth to open so that he could pop the tablet in. Fido would sit still and clamp his jaws shut, and suddenly reach out with one paw and forcefully tried to push my hand away. At one point, he dug his claw into my hand and now i have a hole in my hand.

He’s been depressed too, lying around the house and not reacting to hugs and pats. we got really worried when he was stretched out on his back, tummy exposed, paws splayed, unresponsive to tummy rubs. it’s like he licked a Valium lolly.

I hope he gets better soon.

Family Photo: The Cats

In a rare moment, Grey allowed himself to sit next to Fido. And Fido didn’t inch away like he used to. (which I now suspect is coz Grey’s breath doesn’t stink like a dead carcass anymore).

Hello boys!

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Parenthood: Fido acting up

Fido has been acting strange of late. he used to mao at our door, begging for attention but he stopped that for awhile. Then he went from the cleanest cat in the hood to peeing outside of the box, and not just outside of his litter box but right on the spot next to the bathroom mat. we have no idea what sparked that bad behaviour and we’ve alternated between scolding him (me) and telling him nicely it’s a bad thing to do (Bryan). we now make sure his litter box is kept as clean as possible to encourage in the box peeing. I also sprayed lemon scented floor cleaner on the spot he keeps peeing on coz it’s said that cats don’t like the smell of citrus.

The other day, while puttering around in the kitchen, I caught Fido peeing in both his own and Grey’s litter box. He turned a little OCD, first peeing in his own box, then coming back to pee in Grey’s box. Then back to his own box again. in the 1 hour i was in the kitchen, he peed a total of 6 times. I’m not sure if it’s incontinence or anxiety issues. Now that he has marked both litter trays with his pee, Grey has rejected his litter training and reverted to peeing on the bathroom floor.

While all this is going on, the mao-ing at the door has resumed. 2 nights ago, Fido decided to wake me up at 710am on a weekend. annoyed, I reached for the spray bottle and opened the door. He stood his ground and eyed the bottle warily, so I sprayed water at him.

Fido continued eyeing me puzzedly. however I ended up having water on my face instead coz I had pointed the wrong end of the nozzle at myself. So instead of chasing the cat away and going right back to bed, I ended up with a wet face and feeling even more annoyed. pissed, I climbed out of bed and chased Fido into the living room, squirting water at him. not a good start to the weekend.

Couplehood: new litter tray for Grey

Grey doesn’t like to share litter box with Fido coz Fido doesn’t flush after he uses. So Grey acts out by peeing outside of the box, taken from 7 Ineffective Habits of Psychotic Cats, the other 6 being hissing at everyone, sitting on smelly cat ass on people things, etc. We went shopping at Pet Station and got Grey a new litter tray. In addition, we got new litter as Grey didn’t like the compact paper ones we’ve been using.

We tried to lure Grey to the box with a packet of wet food but his brain was filled with TUNA TUNA TUNA that he didn’t register the litter box at all. We tried to grab him and put him in the box but he struggled out each time. no amount of cajoling or bribing could get him in.

Things I learnt about cats

While sammiehead is deciding if she’s ready to adopt a kitten, here are some things I learnt while living with the boys (Fido & Grey):

Cats are very cute. They often get themselves into poses such as this. Perfect for Instagram moments.

Cat pee is very smelly. good to buy compact paper litter (grey colour), which are not only very absorbent and hides the smelly a bit better than the clay litter, it’s better for cats too (apparently the clay ones are BAD).

Cats don’t need to be walked twice a day. they can be litter trained, unless you’re a grouchy ol’ bastard like Grey and pees outside of the box. Fido on the other hand is one smart cat. the one time his litterbox was being washed, he squatted over the drain hole in the bathroom and peed into the drain!

You can be allergic to cats, but not their hair, it’s their dead skin cells. I never knew I was allergic until I got close to Fido. I touched my face after patting him once and i got a ring of rash around my mouth. I also get into sneezing fits if i’m not careful. this can be countered by stringent hand washing after every cuddle. troublesome but sometimes worth it.

We feed our cats twice a day.

Cats poop perhaps once a day. and it stinks. (unlike rabbit poop which smells like roses).

Cats have different characteristics. Grey is arrogant and doesn’t like anyone except Bryan. he hisses at me all the time, and we keep out of each others way. Fido has the personality of a dog. he follows us around the house, maos at us until we pat him, and absolutely loves attention. Fido is the perfect pet coz he’s a dog that doesn’t bark.

Cats sleep about 13-18 hours a day. I want to be reincarnated into a cat.

Cats purr to display happiness. it’s like they swallowed a vibrator.

Cats catch lizards. this house is lizard free. which is why I put up with the sneezing. coz i hate lizards.

Grey doesn’t mind it if you were to lift / carry him. Fido hates it though. if you tried to carry him he’d mao like he lost his best friend. however Fido is a lap cat. he loves to jump up onto your lap and sit there purring. Grey hates sitting on laps. he prefers to be left alone.

Cats shed hair, like dogs & rabbits. so be prepared to either live with the hair, or be twice as anal about cleaning the house. Bryan & I are both allergic so we don’t allow the cats onto the bed, and only into the room if we were going to clean it the next day. the fur can only be swiftly removed by vacuum cleaner. I tried sweeping balls of hair once. it was an exercise of futility. Best way to punish someone you don’t like.

Some cats are happy being house cats. Fido is too chicken shit to step out of the house although he peers out of the gate very curiously. Grey on the other hand, sneaks out every time someone opens the door. the one time he sneaked out without anyone noticing, he spent the night perched on a ledge shivering in the cold. stupid cat didn’t learn his lesson though. still sneaks out like a senile cat suffering from dementia. if you don’t want to get a perpetual heart attack every time you can’t find your cat in their usual spots, i advise putting up wire mesh across gates and window grilles which they can easily access.

Cats love to scratch stuff. be prepared to have ruined furniture. there are many ways to stop them from doing so. give them a good scratching post. there are special mats you can buy to lay around the item you’re protecting that will prevent cats from stepping on it. keep precious things like pianos covered when not in use. get a spray bottle coz it’s really effective. Fido now scrambles whenever i wave the bottle threateningly at him.

Hairballs. my first encounter with these ghastly things was when my ex’s cat, bent over like a drug addict, stomach heaving like aliens were about to crawl out of it, and with what sounded like the death keel of Loch Ness monster Gwaaawwkkkkzkkzakwkkwakakwakghhakwkhaakh, coughed out a hairball covered with saliva. it was the most unsexy thing ever, but necessary, considering that they eat a fair amount of hair when they preen and hair doesn’t really belong anywhere in the digestive system. Rabbits have an amazing way of pooping out these hairballs in a graceful manner but cats? for all their pompous I-am-better-than-thou demeanour, they haven’t figured this one out yet.

Post Museum @ Rowell Road

We went to Yilin’s show at Post Museum (Show Room) featuring her new Tree collection. at the same time, I got the size of my ring finger checked so she can resize it for me. we decided on You Had Me At Zug Zug.

Next door there’s a cafe. we met affectionate grey stray.

as i squatted to take a picture of her, she got up and started rubbing her head against my shin.

the owner said that she’s a stray that likes to hang around the cafe. they always had to chase her out of the indoor areas but let her lounge around the outside.

I’ve decided to name her Bijoux.

apple juice + spiced tea + logan = yum.

I like this cafe. it’s quiet and unassuming with no poseur crowd. I could sit there all day and fall asleep in the chair next to the cat.

Take me to Malacca: Meow

What is a trip without saying hello to our feline friends. Here’s one spotted at Portuguese Settlement, a fat cat that roamed around tables looking, or rather begging, for food.

 

This one was a teenage mom, small and scraggly, but belly fulla baby kittens waiting to be born. she was sitting in the shade watching passers-by when I squat down to take a picture of her. she was so affectionate that it was hard for me to grab a picture of her while she was rubbing her face against my legs.

 

 

 

This was the 5th time I stood up to get away from her, then squatted down again to get a shot of her. for the 5th time she saw me coming within reach of her and she came running for pats again. SO CUTE!

 

A kitten lazing about at St Paul’s Church.

Two Maos

I’ve decided to call the boys Earl Grey (left) and Duke Fido (right).

they have their favourite perches around the house. Fido likes to sit under the dining table with one leg in the air, while Grey likes to sit on top of the back of the couch, hidden behind the flapping curtain. that was until Bryan decided to throw out the old couch and replace it with a sofabed. he locked both cats in the kitchen while he did a massive move of the furniture, mopped the floors and opened the windows to air the room. the cats were let out and they immediately ran to their spots. the dining table was still there but the couch wasn’t anymore. according to Bryan, Grey almost slipped on the wet floor and skidded to a stop when he realised his couch was missing. he looked at the empty spot with grand confusion before looking back at Bryan with this WTF?! expression.

but cats adapt really quickly. now Fido likes his perch on top of a stack of boxes while Grey has discovered the little space under the sofa bed. we didn’t know that was his new hiding spot until we tried to find him. we could see Fido gazing at us from his perch not telling us anything when I asked him if he knew where Grey was, but Grey was nowhere to be found. we had to use a packet of wet cat food to lure Grey out and zoop! he came running out from under the sofa bed. it’s always good to know where the cats are, you don’t want one of them suddenly swiping their claws at your innocent ankles.

when the sofa bed was first set up, Grey was looking down from one of the shelves while Fido kaypoed around the sofa bed. Grey likes to pretend nothing frazzles him but I bet he was itching with curiosity.

sniff sniff.

testing if it could hold his weight.

i came out from the kitchen to grab a roll of toilet paper and despite Bryan’s earlier warning of the wet floors, i managed to slip, did a couple of dry arm swimming motions before catching my balance with one leg stretched out behind me and the other pressed against a table that caught me in time. Fido had been standing near that spot and when i did that funny arm swimming thing, he freaked and dashed quickly away before stopping to look at me wide-eyed. Grey was in the kitchen and caught me in action so he was looking back at me a little wide eyed too. the both of them had the OMGWTFFFFF WHAT IS THIS HUMAN DOING!??!?? expression and imagining what was going on in their minds cracked me up so badly i couldn’t stop laughing to myself. that probably worried them a little more.